Pintsize is Marten's model 8600[1] Windows[2] AnthroPC, and was the second character introduced in the comic's first strip. He is a companion to Marten and frequently used for comic relief, throw-away gags or to add punchlines to a strip. He can often be found with Winslow. He is one of only three characters in the strip to have his own plush version.



Pintsize is often tied up against a wall to stop him from his antics

Pintsize is mischievous[3] but loyal.[4] Most of his hijinks are sexual in nature, such as forming his own Monopoly board out of the contents of Faye's underwear drawer.[5] or trying to "comfort" Faye after her falling out with Sven.[6] It is possible that his offensive pranks are miscalculation,[7] but some are downright alarming.[8]

He has a large directory of assorted pornography on his hard drive.[9]

He uses his twitter account to post disgusting, horrific, or otherwise bizarre sex drawings.

Pintsize is foul-mouthed, using both human and robot[10] profanity.

Despite his deviant nature, Pintsize can be kind-hearted.[11] This is perhaps the only trait he shares with Marten. It has been suggested that the companion AI broker who paired them up made a mistake.[12]

More recently Pintsize has worried that his antics are too predictable.[13]

When it is absolutely necessary to keep Pintsize under control, he can be immobilized with duct tape.

Pintsize keeps a wide variety of costumes on hand which he wears to be humorous or weird.[14][15]

Pintsize is the audience's favorite AnthroPC by a narrow margin. He beat Winslow and Momo by one vote in a poll on the Questionable Content forum.[16]


Pintsize spends his spare time collecting pornography[9][17] and running the SETI screensaver.[18] He occasionally calculates prime numbers, but this is less common.

When with other AnthroPCs, he participates in role-playing games.[19]


Pintsize is equipped with a M31 Combat Chassis with 512 MB of RAM,[20], an optical drive,[21], USB,[22] DVI,[23] Ethernet,[24] and wireless[18] network interfaces, spectrometer in his mouth with which he tastes things[25] LASER weapon (formerly) and suction cup feet,[26] but does not have a built-in camera.[27] The spectrometer and associated holding tank were described as new features, implying that they were part of the M-31 chassis and not part of the stock one.

The spectrometer seems to be a seldom-encountered accessory. Even Momo's high-end chassis has no chemosensor[28] and AnthroPC enthusiast Marigold was confused to hear an AnthroPC describing smells.[29]

Pintsize's food preferences include cake mix and user manuals.[30]

The M-31 chassis is easy to repair,[31] which is handy since he lives with Faye. It also seems to grant him a high amount of resistance to cold weather, as he was able to easily function in cold that caused Winslow's Apple chassis to lock up completely. He is however powerless against duct tape, which is occasionally used to restrain him & prevent further pranks/damages.


He is friends with Winslow, Momo and PT410X, but has not sought out any "sexual" relationships with any of them.

Pintsize has had a date with another AnthroPC named awesoemPC1998, until finding out that awesoemPC was actually a male anthroPC who was pink.[32] It is implied that they did something explicit, but it's never revealed what (it was strange enough to shock Pintsize, though).

Sex and drugs and rock&rollEdit


Pintsize is configured in software as a male and seeks out female-configured AnthroPCs for cybersex.[33] He has frequently made (crude) advances to humans, always women, making him a hexasexual. To please them he has a vibration mode.[34]

He has attempted to copulate with Coffee of Doom's espresso machine.[35]


Pintsize is not a frequent drug user but has gotten stoned on video drivers[36] and hallucinated on virtual peyote.[37]

Music preferencesEdit

Pintsize is difficult to use for media playback because he insists instead on loudly yelling the lyrics to "Crazy Train," which is (in his words) "the best song ever".[38] He considers Toto's best song to be "Hold the Line".[39] When considering forming a sovereign nation of copies of himself, he chose Björk's "Army of Me" as the national anthem.[40]


Pintsize does mathematical calculations for fun, so it's appropriate that his name is an anagram for "zest in pi". His sexual grossness is echoed by the anagram "penis zit".

Memorable quotesEdit

  • "I would be delicious"[41]
  • "It is hard to get a lady to evaluate to true."[42]
  • "Having a conversation with Faye is bound to lead to a system crash one way or another."[43]
  • "Nobody ever grabs my bottom"[44]
  • "All the COOL robots are doing it"[45]
  • "I think you have very good-looking breasts, Faye."[46]
  • "They were firm, yet supple, with perky nipples and just the right amount of jiggling"[47]
  • "I'm Pintsize, and you have some truly excellent hooters."[48]
  • "Do not mock the Breast Jihad!"[49]
  • "I'm a performance artist, and my medium is irate ladies"[50]
  • "I clipped your toenails while you slept. So I could make them part of my COLLECTION."[51]
  • "Okay, let's go to the meat market and get a severed pig-head to put under Faye's blankets!"[7]
  • "Well yeah, it's not a GOOD idea, but it's a FUN idea."[52]
  • "Right then! Let's go set something on fire."[53]
  • "Fire, filth and destruction? Clearly we are going to make good neighbours."[54]
  • "I'm good at deforestation."[55]
  • "Common concerns such as property damage and wholesale destruction are of no concern to the King!"[56]
  • "He doesn't have to wake up, you know. I have a laser, and we have a garbage disposal."[57]
  • "Wait, I'm supposed to be HELPING?"[58]
  • "Thongs for everyone!"[59]
  • "I like to feel pretty sometimes!"[60]
  • "I'm always naked!"[61]
  • "Maybe a woman isn't what you need! Have you considered robosexuality?"[62]
  • "I will TOTALLY be your glorified dildo!"[62]
  • "Rule 34 is the ultimate expression of human creativity!"[63]
  • "He's going to dinner-fuck her booze-hole!"[64]
  • "Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters as high beams are to deer."[65]
  • "Nobody could ever be hipper than you, Faye"[66]
  • "I don't explode cats. It's way too difficult to coax them into the microwave."[67]
  • "Those preschoolers will remember that day for the rest of their lives."[68]
  • "I've stagnated. My wacky antics have become tired, predictable, PASSE. I need to take my art to the next level, but I can't find the proper muse. I will find a cold, grey beach and stand on it, staring out to sea. I will smoke a cigarette and ask the waves rhetorical questions about existence."[13]
  • "When talking about the human experience, it all comes back to poopin' eventually."[69]

Major eventsEdit

  • Pintsize gets a new M-31 chassis[70]
  • Pintsize's new chassis has an unusual feature[71]
  • Pintsize's new chassis almost gets him wiped[72]
  • Pintsize gets a virus[30]
  • Pintsize tries to upgrade himself[73]
  • Pintsize picks a fight with Faye. Oops[74]
  • Pintsize undoes his repairs from that incident[75]


One open and obvious question is how Pintsize got the way he is. There have been some interesting ideas about this on the forum.

One suggestion, from jwhouk, is that Pintsize was originally Marten's mom's AnthroPC.[76] This theory is debunked in the mini-arc starting from 2331

Another idea, from Blackjoker, is that Pintsize began to get interested in porn as a way of cheering up Marten but his programming ran away with itself when he discovered rich veins of bizarre things on the Internet.[77]

And then there's the Stanford buttock-touching robot.[78]



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