|First appearance||Comic 3: True Professionals|
Faye Whitaker is the first female character to appear in the strip. Her first appearance is in Strip 3, "True Professionals", when she met Marten and Steve in a bar. Her first speaking appearance was in strip 4.
She later became Marten's roommate; after accidentally burning down her apartment she approached Marten to ask if she could stay a few days on his couch, which ultimately led to them becoming roommates. Aside from Marten, Faye has appeared in the most strips since the comic's inception.
Faye was raised Baptist(Strip 645 newspost) but her family was not particularly religious. Her current religious beliefs are unknown. She dislikes the "pervasive religious conservatism" of her birthplace.
Faye is now unemployed after being fired for drinking at work. She worked previously at the Coffee of Doom with her boss Dora and co-workers Raven, Cosette, Hannelore, and Penelope, and formerly Sara.
Faye graduated from high school with a straight A average. Faye did attend college and majored in Art, specifically Sculpting. However she did not complete college due to her psychological breakdown between sophomore and junior year.
Sex, Drugs and Rock & RollEdit
Faye is exclusively heterosexual. Despite her childhood background she is fully accepting of gay people. Her ideal man is apparently Mister Fitzwilliam Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.
Faye regularly drinks caffeine and alcohol. She is very fond of drinking, to the point that her friends and therapist became concerned, and has a particular love of Bourbon (it being her emergency drink of choice). Faye is a happy drunk, not a mean one. She has joked about marijuana but does not seem to use it in real life.
Faye takes omega-3 supplements, as prescribed by her psychiatrist, to counter her depression.
Faye is an indie rock aficionado. Her favorite bands are Neutral Milk Hotel, The New Pornographers, Pavement, Modest Mouse, and a tie between Spoon and Slayer. She is also a fan of Iron & Wine, The Unicorns, Broken Social Scene, Daft Punk and Wolf Parade. She considers 1997 as the best year for music.
Faye is known to play some sort of epic music during her bowel movements, possibly Wagner or the Last of the Mohicans soundtrack.
She does not like country music at all, and particularly hates the music of Gina Riversmith. She associates Death Cab for Cutie with shitty team dramas. She does not "get" Deerhoof, though she seems familiar with their song Panda Panda Panda. She also dislikes techno remixes of Joy Division songs, possibly exacerbated by Dora playing them all day.
She owns a T-shirt of the experimental rock band Liars.
Faye is an exceptionally sarcastic individual who is prone to bouts of violence. She is very strong willed and very stubborn. Her tough exterior seems to have been present but to a lesser degree before her father's death and her attitude is a defense mechanism to protect her from being emotionally hurt again, a defense mechanism which became her only way of interacting with others. Over the course of the comic she has become less physically violent but still remains sarcastic and brash.
She is capable of feeling guilt about her verbal hostility to others, as shown beginning at strip 336.
Though she is regularly difficult to her friends, she reacts fiercely when they are mistreated, for example in the Vespavenger arc. Her friendships run deep, but a look at her cellphone address book suggests they are few in number.
Faye has developed considerably as a character over time, and is now capable of self-insight and showing vulnerability.
Faye is full-figured but not obese. She has a scar on her chest from a car crash precipitated by her psychological breakdown. She has been considered attractive by the other characters since her first appearance.
Faye needs glasses with a powerful prescription.
In early strips Faye never used contractions in her speech to hide her Southern accent but this has abated and almost disappeared in recent comics. She is very proficient in making baked goods and eating ice cream. She likes to give people haircuts, which are praised for their quality.
Faye has no pets and no AnthroPC but does have a stuffed giraffe.
Her breasts are powerful sedatives.
Faye has resumed sculpting under prodding from Dora and has made some espresso producing dinosaurs and a cat.
Major events (possible spoilers)Edit
Not much is known about Faye during the early days of the comic, although aspects of her personality are more than apparent. She is a sarcastic, strong-willed, intelligent, and often brash person. She has somewhat of a southern accent but in the earlier comics decided to hide it, assuming that a southern drawl would lead people to stereotype her. After a few strips it is pointed out that she has a scar on her chest, but she does not explain where she got it from and it is not until her sister Amanda shows up that it is implied that something rather significant has happened in her past before she moved up north.
In a rather emotional story arc due to the "will they, won't they" situation regarding the tension in Marten and Faye's relationship, Faye breaks down and admits what happened. When she was younger she was really close to her father David, and has many fond memories from her childhood of them together. When she was a teenager she awoke one morning and found the back door of the house open. When she went to investigate she found her Father with his back to her, holding a gun. Without any warning or turning around, he lifted it to his head and shot himself. Faye witnessed it all and was quite traumatized by it - there was nothing to indicate her father was unhappy, ill or anything that could be remotely seen as contributing to him committing suicide.
A few months after the funeral Faye was driving home and appeared to have an emotional breakdown in which she blacked out and crashed into a tree, resulting in her scar. She spent a few weeks in a hospital with Acute Stress Disorder before being released and sought to move to have a new start in a place without so many painful memories. She cites this as the reason she has such a tough exterior and why she doesn't feel she can enter in to a relationship with Marten. She subsequently decides to see a counselor to help her deal with her problems after telling her other close friends about the incident and apologizing for her sometimes harsh behavior.
After a length of time, during which Marten and Dora become a couple, Faye finally decides to return home to Georgia for a visit. She spends time with her mother and little sister Amanda before finally visiting her Father's gravestone, something she had been reluctant to do. In a moment of true character development she admits she was angry, sad and confused at him for killing himself, for not allowing them to help him and the state he left the family in with his actions. Despite this she also mentions that she can't be angry at him anymore and states that she still loves him (and promises not to curse about him during her therapy sessions).
Faye eventually met Dora's promiscuous older brother Sven and was initially disgusted about his approach to women and using others as scapegoats for his behavior. Despite this they developed an apparent physical attraction to each other and eventually slept together after a few drinks at his apartment.
They began a "friends with benefits" type of relationship, although Faye gave an ultimatum that if he slept with anyone else, she'd leave. Their "relationship" went on for a few weeks (months?), until Sven slept with fictional country music singer Gina Riversmith. He admitted this transgression to his intern who urged him to tell Faye the truth about his cheating, which he did.
Too prideful to actually admit she might feel more for him, Faye screamed her frustration out in the street. Eventually, she admitted what Sven did hurt her, for which Dora aggressively and violently reprimanded her brother. Faye is consoled by her close friends, especially Marten. This series of events lead Sven himself to reconsider his lifestyle, and he and Faye eventually patched things up as well once he apologized to her.
Throughout the comic a patron to the Coffee of Doom appears frequently to see Faye and his name is finally revealed as Angus McPhee. He had previously visited the shop on many occasions simply to banter with Faye, finding her rapier wit challenging and enjoyable despite her rather aggressive reactions to his compliments.
He appeared some time after the encounter with Sven, stating he had been in a relationship that he began to detest and eventually broke up. It is later revealed he is roommates with Marigold, a shy girl that is paired with Momo, an anime style AnthroPC and friend of Pintsize and Winslow that helped Marten out. After an honest 20 minutes of talking with each other, in which Angus reveals his job as a professional strawman he leaves, with Faye remarking that she actually had a normal conversation with a boy.
One night Hannelore, Marten and Steve begin a session of a drinking game involving sledding ("Speed Beer"), and Hannelore tells Faye to close the shop early so they can join them. Angus accompanies her and they continue to chat until Faye sees Sven attending the street party that has developed from the game. He acts quite coldly, asking if Angus is Faye's new "Fuck buddy" to which she replies that Sven is "still an asshole" and leaves.
Marten, trying to gauge what type of guy Angus is, invited him on a night out to a bar, The Horrible Revelation. They get drunk and while playing pool, talk about Faye. Marten and Angus bond, leading Marten to give Angus advice concerning her attitude.
Angus later invited Faye out to watch films in a simply friendly gesture and Faye seems to warm up to him. Some time later, Angus, along with Faye and Marigold, get drunk at his apartment and Marigold alludes to having a crush on Angus. As a result, Faye is put in an awkward position to which she quickly leaves. Dora remarks afterward on the lapse in judgment of leaving two drunken people alone when one has admitted to crushing on the other (to which Faye screams "Fuck" upon her realization).
Angus unintentionally tells a joke with a suicide reference, which Faye is uncomfortable with. She asks him if he would refrain from doing so in the future, explaining her father's suicide. Unfortunately Angus assumes this is a joke and initially does not believe her, leading to an awkward situation as he leaves.
While walking home with Faye the same night after work, Marten asks why she was so open about her father's suicide to just tell Angus, explaining that he is slightly hurt that she was so open with Angus but not with him about the incident. Faye tries to explain to Marten that when they met she still hadn't come to terms with what had happened and didn't know how to handle it and apologizes for what she put him through, but explains that it is because of him that she can now talk about it, saying that he is her Best Friend and helped her through a lot of bad times in the past. Marten is happy with her transition and hugs her (Faye remarks that he smells like flowers which he explains as he had to use Tai's deodorant and Faye calls him "Flower Pits".)
Angus returns and apologizes for his remark and Faye accepts, but Angus asks that if its not cool to reference suicide then Faye shouldn't tease Marigold as often as she does, which she agrees to.
More recently, Faye shyly invites Angus (and Marigold) to her and Marten's apartment for a night of drinking with the others, to which he accepts. While Faye is under the impression that she will see how things develop, Marten urges her to just go out on a date instead of just seeing if things will play out in their favor. However Angus and Faye spent the night bickering about which music to play, resulting in Marten putting them in "Time Out" much to their chagrin.
Although this minor conflict is resolved by the end of the night. Angus later asks Faye out on a date (after awkwardly kissing her at Coffee of Doom, leaving Faye speechless). The date actually goes well and ends with Angus and Faye sharing a tender moment at Angus's door.
This eventually blossomed into a full-fledged relationship which worked out very well for both Faye and Angus. While the relationship seemed to work well, it became strained when Angus received an audition to host a talk show in New York, which would require Faye to either move with him or engage in a long-distance relationship. Faye initially tried to be supportive of Angus, hoping that she would be able to handle the long-distance relationship if it came to that, but when Angus learned that he had passed the audition, Faye realized that she couldn't continue the relationship with Angus living so far away, and chose to break up with him.
The Dora/Marten BreakupEdit
When Marten and Dora break up, Faye is visibly shaken. She is genuinely shocked when Marten reveals the news but immediately reacts badly when he explains what Dora has told him is the reason they broke up. She threatens violence on her, despite her being a close friend and her boss. However Marten swears her not to pursue the matter further and she promises not to go through with her plan.
She does however confront Dora, enveloping her in a hug and directly telling her that she broke up with Marten for stupid reasons and needs to address her insecurities. if she does not then she will "Put you (Dora) in the emergency room" but hugs her when she breaks down. She later gives Dora a number for a therapist referral service, as Faye's own therapist, Dr. Corrinne Buenvenida, will not see anyone else in Faye and Hannelore's social group.
Although Dora tries to put off calling, Faye implies physical harm and Dora suggests that the therapist would not appreciate the fact that she was forced to call, while Faye ironically retorts that it's "Something my therapist says I should work on".
Despite the fact that Faye and Angus had previously clashed over their musical tastes, they kiss after the revelation that they both like the band Toto, and agree that "Africa" is their best ever song. When she later returns home she questions Marten over his particular favorite, which he believes is "Rosanna". This seems to be a measure of compatibility. This claim can be reinforced by the break-up of Marten and Dora and be viewed as foreshadowing. When Marten asks Dora which song by Toto is her favourite, she replies disdainfully, adds that "Toto sucks", turns over and falls asleep while Marten looks forlornly at the ceiling.
Following her breakup with Angus, Faye fell into an alcoholic binge, spending every waking hour drunk whenever possible. This eventually lead to her drinking at work, which Dora chastised her for. Undaunted, Faye continued to sneak alcohol into work, and upon being caught drinking in the supply closet, was fired by an angered Dora over her intoxication and insubordination. Losing her job at Coffee of Doom proved to be Faye's tipping point, and later that evening, Marten found her almost completely comatose on the couch, covered in vomit and surrounded in empty alcohol bottles. She had also, at some point in the course of events, turned off Pintsize, presumably so that he would not intervene in her self-destructive behavior. The ensuing scenes showed brief glimpses of awareness from Faye's point of view as she was rushed to the hospital, implying that she was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning.
Her hair-trigger reactions to sexual advances are explained in the comic as post-traumatic fear of intimacy, but the level of suspicion she showed toward Marten early on is consistent with what we'd expect if she were a sexual assault survivor.
Her car crash was so serious that the EMTs wondered how she survived. Forum user Mr_Rose points out that if Faye had to be fitted with robotic prostheses, it could explain her superhuman feats of strength.
She may be able to pursue an art career now that she has been exhibited in a prestigious gallery.
Loud and proudEdit
- "I am a milk ninja!" (nominated by SkepticSight)
- "High-quality booze is for pansies. I am TOUGH."
- "Marten, we're LADIES. We operate on a whole other plane of existence when it comes to plotting and drama."
- "I am Muffin Cthulhu"
- "I am the depleted uranium of feminity."
- "Comparing most girls to me is like comparing Sputnik to a space-borne death-laser."
- "No offense Dora, but you'd make a lousy surrogate for me. You're like .65 Fayes at best."
- "I am the Hope diamond of hipster girls."
- "I have allure coded right into my genes"
- "I feel like Tigers are walking over my grave. My grave is gonna be BADASS."
- "Ten million youtube views, Minimum."
- "I have attained girlvana!" 
- "One can never be too careful. A girl has to protect her assets. Also her breastets."
- "Do you see the look on my face right now? This look means that you have just broken my mind." 
- "You are a true friend, flower pits."
- "I'm making a pee-rah-mid!"
- "Well, let's just say that I'm not very good at making toast."
- "The stupid toaster was just out to get me."
- "NO I DO NOT CARE THAT THEY ARE OUT ON A DATE TOGETHER IT DOES NOT BOTHER ME IN THE SLIGHTEST SO DO NOT ASK AGAIN"
- "She's at home listening to the Red House Painters, gazing moodily at her Morrissey poster and sighing. Pop Tart crumbs litter her sheets. Sad Pop Tart crumbs, crumbs of loneliness and dejection."
- Speaking of Hannelore: "Imagine if Howard Hughes and a scarecrow had a baby girl"
- To an agitated Dora: "Go. Eat. A. Cookie."
- "...music plus science equals sexy!"
- "Would you like me to call your mother a whore, poison your cat, or take a dump on your sofa? "
- "Ask about our refurbished Starbuck's employee program!"
- "I figure the weirder your life is, the more fun you're having."
- "I'm trying to use humor to help me face adversity. You know that famous photo of the Chinese protester standing in front of that column of tanks? I bet he was making silly faces at them."
- "It wants to be your special friend!"
- "I think the best kind of boyfriend is the one who lives in your underwear drawer and takes AA batteries."
- Therapist: Have you tried, ah, self-stimulation?
Faye: "Oh yeah. I also drink seltzer when I want soda, eat rice crackers when I want chocolate, and listen to bluegrass when I want death metal. I am getting a freaky Popeye forearm. My right hand filed a RESTRAINING ORDER. I AM JUST A TINY BIT BORED WITH IT."
- "I demand instant gratification"
- "Mister Talking Whiskey Bottle here told me! He is a vast reservoir of false knowledge and fuel for mistake-making."
- "Here. Have some Emergency Bourbon."
- "WELP Time for some Emergency Bourbon"
- "I WILL LET YOU TOUCH MY BOOBS IF YOU'LL SHUT UP"
- "God is a monitor lizard! He can't spend half the year hibernating, He has too much to do. Therefore, He shuns the North and its bitter winters."
- "I'm sorry, it's just that gay couples are cute enough as it is, and the concept of a little gay robot couple is just unbearably adorable."
- "CHRIST, woman, we're tryin' to have a moment of friendship here! You can have his cock in a minute!"
- "Me and Sven was[sic] a speedboat that caught fire and exploded. You and I are a paddle steamer near Niagara Falls."
- "Fucking shit-eating DOUCHEBAG ASSHOLE!" 
- "Goodness gracious, that must mean I'm a unicorn!" 
- "Yes, yes. Snot on my shirt, That's what friends are for."
- "...have you ever lived completely by yourself before? After a couple weeks you find yourself talking to the kitchen appliances. 'Oh, good morning Mister Refrigerator! You're looking very shiny today!'"
- "This just in: we will be postponing this morning's scheduled panic attack in order to admire that fine, fine ass."
- "What am I supposed to do with all this surplus rage now?"
- "'Specialty' coffee drinks are all just namby-pamby flavored crap for people who don't actually like coffee."
- "I go into anaphylactic shock when I pretend to be cheerful"
- "My sarcasm beam is all charged up and ready to go"
- "What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?"
- "Quick, say something stupid so I can make fun of you"
- "Well that is very sweet, but completely idiotic."
- "I enjoy consuming the charred flesh of dead animals"
- "I WILL turn the hose on you two. I will go to the hardware store and purchase a hose. Then I will come back here, hook it up to the faucet, and turn it on you."
- "Okay, that does it. We are going to a veterinary clinic to have you spayed."
- "Let me get my aloof sneer warmed up and we'll be on our way."
- "No way, once you get past my smirking remarks, you have to negotiate the spike pit, and after the spike pit is the laser cave"
- "There are no save points when it comes to ladies, honey."
- "Your hair reflects your soul. They are both pitch black and spiky"
- "You just haven't dug deep enough to reveal my hidden core of pure, molten bitchnium"
- "MY eventual goal is to be an evil millionaire"
- "...your coffee is over-roasted and smells like feet"
- "A wheel of cheddar to the skull, a slab of gouda to the groin. Truly, it is the deadliest of the food groups."
- "Boy-punching is the best way for a girl to test her depth-perception"
- "Rampaging bears are the answer to all of our cultural missteps!"
- "If I don't get some espresso in me within the next ten minutes I cannot be held responsible for my actions."
- "To the mall, where I shall burn and pillage! And also try on shoes!"
- "If I sense any lusting, I will stab you and then poop in the wound."
- "Must maintain control...Must not punch boss in her stupid Gothy face..."
- "C'mon, at least lemme break one of her arms."
- "I am sorry! I did not mean to break your arm!"
- "Well obviously I had to visit horrific violence on him as a matter of principle, but I really admire the sheer audacity of smacking me on the ass. I'm torn."
- "I swear to god they will find your body in not one dumpster but SEVERAL. Each six blocks apart."
- "The next time I try to 'fix' a boy it's gonna be with a pair of hedge clippers"
- "Am I still allowed to murder customers? I do so enjoy the murderin'."
- "Aw, you never let me murder anybody."
- "Touch me and I will pound you into a shape resembling a small cube made entirely of pain."
- "The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage."
- "Apparently knowing someone's name DOESN'T make it easier to set them on fire with your mind."
- "In a relaxed social environment, patrons do not expect me to pour scalding espresso down their shirts when they proposition me."
- "Right now I would like nothing more than to beat you so hard you need to eat through a straw for the rest of your life. But Marty asked me not to."
- "I like plottin' downfalls. They make me feel... tingly."
- "You can ignore the phone calls from PETA though, there's no proof that the kitten was still alive when I bit its head off."
- "I would level a city block in exchange for a pint of fudge ripple!"
- "A girl does not mind using her ninja skills if it is to help a friend!"
- "I wasn't meant to be a young lady of the 21st century, I was meant to be a Mongol warlord."
- "Hooray, beheadings!"
- To Marten after admitting to mentioning CoD's secret menu to Sven during 'pillow talk': "If it makes you feel any better, Sven immediately made a ``hur hur what's a number 69`` joke and I punched him in the dick."
- "This is why I don't like change. It changes things."
- "I’m like a hedgehog-- if you just give me time to uncurl I’ll eventually relax and not be so prickly."
- Therapist: "There are two ways to pass a hurdle – leaping over, or plowing through." Faye: "There needs to be a monster truck option"
- "Someday I'll be a real girl, with functional emotions and attitudes toward life"
- "Someday I'll be sane enough to sleep with a boy, and it'll be my turn to gross YOU guys out. Expect powerpoint presentations and 3D rendered models"
- "I'm NOT strong. I'm just good at burying things. I've been doing it for years now. It's like I'm stuck halfway between grief and recovery and I can't go in either direction."
- "I act all tough or mean or whatever but the minute someone calls me on it I go to pieces."
- "Now that I feel better, I can't justify eating this entire bag of cookies." 
- "Being bitter isn't gonna make you feel better. I mean, I understand why you feel that way, but ... it doesn't help. I know from experience."
- To Marten: "I'm still trying to get better, but it's hard, and scary, and I can't do it without you. You're my best friend in the whole world and I couldn't stand it if you were mad at me."
- "I'm not all right."
- "Don't cry, I'll be fine. Eventually."
Her name can be rearranged to spell "Awake thy fire", a clear reference to her personality.
NOTE: Jeph has posted a "progression" of Faye's development artistically as a character on his tumblr account here.
This is a general layout of how Faye and Marten have their apartment set up. The area between the two rooms is the closet for each individual room.
We do not know the orientation of the apartment but one of the walls must face south since it gets a lot of light during the day .